The Managing Partner

I'd like to thank Edge of Humanity Magazine for publishing this poem first.  If you are unfamiliar with this journal, it publishes a lot of interesting art, poetry, and commentary.  You can find the journal here http://edgeofhumanity.com

The Managing Partner

Don't tell me he was fooled by a pretty face -
not when we've given him the run of the place.

Yup, he paid her 45,000 and begged her to stay.
She said thank you and still walked away.

Did she at least give the money back?

Nope, it hit her account and she started to pack.

[Sound of Toilet Flushing]

I'd be fired if I negotiated such a deal.
He took her to dinner and she ate his meal.

[Sound of Water Running in Sink]

When he spilled Jamaican coffee on his shirt
she grabbed his fork and ate his dessert.

[Sounds of Self-Satisfied Smiles in Mirror]

Then without even a backward glance,
she walked away wearing his pants -
down the block and across the street
joined another firm, free to compete.

If the facts got out the partners would riot.

I wonder if he'd pay us to keep it quiet.
Because if we tell he'll lose his lofty position
and he'd never accept such a humbling transition.

He does lead us like a hearse to the tomb
all while believing he's the smartest in the room.

But his brilliance wears a brilliant disguise.
It's only seen with a mirror and only with his eyes.

[Sound of Door Opening and Closing]
[Sound of Toilet Flushing]

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

An Indecent Proposal

Every afternoon I get my iced coffee from Little Green Hive in Roanoke http://littlegreenhive.com. They have the best iced coffee in town. Usually I pass the same homeless man on my route, and sometimes he asks for money. He implies he may be hungry. I always say no, so he’ll learn to be self-sufficient.

Today, however, something was gnawing at my brain. An indecent proposal. What if I did give him money? What would happen? I had no idea.

On my way back, I passed him again. This time I handed him a $5.00 bill, because I didn’t have anything smaller. He looked up at me and said “Hey, bud, thanks a lot.” His voice was raspy as if the winter had been rough on him, but he sounded sincere. He also seemed to smile. I couldn’t see his mouth under his unkempt beard, but that powderpuff of gray hair did seem to shift upwards. His wrinkled blue eyes were twinkling as he took the money from my hand. His fingers were surprisingly warm.

I got back to my office, and I couldn’t get his smiling eyes out of my head. Still can’t. They were almost human. Of course, I washed my hands thoroughly.

Knowgood Carp, Owner of all the hotels on Block Island (and some in Connecticut).

Abomination!

I have always believed kindness should be applauded. On Mother’s Day morning I was at my local grocery store, and the employees were handing one red rose to each mom as she was leaving. Now I am a mother. I come from a long line of mothers. My mom, for instance, was a MILF, which (I believe) means Mother I’d Like to Forget. The point is – I was really looking forward to getting my red rose.

And just as kindness should be applauded, pure evil should be demolished. That little high school hussy didn’t give me a rose. She saw me walking to the exit, and she went off to talk with her friend – probably to buy drugs.

So I had two choices. I could follow her and politely ask for my well-deserved rose. Or I could go home and stew. Maybe even let it ruin my Mother’s Day. Complain about it to strangers. I knew my decision would reveal a lot about me as a mother.

Gladiola Overdrive, Chief Editor

The Dray Horse

He gave the last full measure of devotion
without receiving recognition or promotion.
Living on the muted end of a video call
a dray horse working quietly in his stall
until found back turned to a virtual door,
glued to his chair, feet fixed to the floor,
staring searchingly into the electric blue
as if it could tell him what is true.
A conch squeezed tightly in his shell
bothering no one until he started to smell.

His cramped cubicle was in the last row.
It was a long way away so I would not go.
Instead I sent work to him by email
which he would respond to without fail
but then there were unusual delays.
To be fair, he'd been dead for two days
staring into the vast electric blue
as his work lined up in a virtual queue.

Now the accountants have correctly said
he shouldn't be paid for the days he was dead.
So I hope his family won't give me flak
when I call to get that money back.

Accountants - they're not virtual or new. 
That's what I see inside the electric blue.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief