Nothing to See Here, Folks

A couple of days ago, I went to CNN to catch up on vital national and international news, and I came across an article informing me that Sheryl Crow sells her Tesla and donates proceeds to NPR (published 10:05 AM EST, Mon February 17, 2025). I was thrilled to see this because I’d been led to believe that some truly awful things were happening to people around the world. Calm down, I told myself. If CNN decides to spend its valuable and finite resources on reporting a celebrity’s publicity stunt, all must be well in the world.

Because it was bait, and I love fish, I clicked on it and learned that Ms. Crow, a rich celebrity, had decided to sell a luxury car she clearly didn’t need to protest the actions of Elon Musk, an even-richer person, who appears to believe he’s president of the United States. Now let me be clear, I have no problem with people peacefully protesting any president, even a pretend one who serves as a distraction for what the real one is doing. I love a stunt as much as anyone.

I was just concerned that real people were being harmed by real decisions being made by a real president. I’m relieved to see that’s not the case and that celebrities can still keep the focus on themselves.

Raven Breathless, Celebrity Stunts Editor

An Interview With a Movie Star – You’re Welcome

Tengo Leche: So in your new movie, you play an agent assigned to infiltrate a white supremacist group. How hard was that role for you?

Movie Star: It was extremely challenging. I had to pretend that people pretending to be white supremacists would pretend to torture and kill me if they found out I was pretending to be an undercover government agent. It was stressful.

Tengo Leche: God, you’re handsome.

Movie Star: Yes, I am.

Tengo Leche: Was it difficult to get into character?

Movie Star: Yes, very. I had to memorize lots of lines, and it wasn’t natural for me to act as if I was living on a government salary. That took some imagination.

Tengo Leche: God, you’re so brave.

Movie Star: Yes, I am.

Tengo Leche: Do you prevail over the bad guys in the end?

Movie Star: Well, I don’t want to spoil anything, but let’s just say I do manage to keep the world safe for all people, not just the white supremacists.

Tengo Leche: Thank you for your service.

Movie Star: You’re welcome.

Tengo Leche, Celebrity News Editor

When Pretending to be Something, Don’t be a Nazi

In the introduction to his sublime Mother Night, Kurt Vonnegut famously warns “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” Take Howard W. Campbell, Jr., the novel’s captivating narrator. He wasn’t careful at all, and now he’s sitting in an Israeli jail waiting to be tried for war crimes. Hi ho.

Thirty years earlier during the 1930s, Campbell was an American playwright of “modest reputation” living in Germany. He was married to a beautiful German actress, and they were a “nation of two.” What could possibly go wrong? A brushfire called World War II.

Immediately before the war started, Campbell was recruited by an American agent to be a spy. Campbell agreed because “I would have an opportunity for some pretty grand acting. I would fool everyone with my brilliant interpretation of a Nazi, inside and out.” He succeeded outrageously and for all the world to hear. He became a radio broadcaster and propagandist for the Nazis; however, during his broadcasts he sent coded messages to the Americans to help the Allies win the war. But to the world, he is a “shrewd and loathsome anti-Semite.” His outward support for Nazism ultimately lands him in that Israeli jail.

Mother Night is Campbell’s confession to the Israelis. He gives it voluntarily and eagerly. But he’s not interested in exoneration. He readily admits to being a “man who served evil too openly and good too secretly, the crime of his times.” Is this irony or just a statement of fact? Does it matter?

Because here’s the thing. Campbell was a spy for the good guys in that war, but he still helped the Nazis. His father-in-law, early in the war, had suspected Campbell of being a spy. He hoped Campbell would be shot as a traitor. By the war’s end, he no longer cared if Campbell was a spy or not. “Because you could never have served the enemy as well as you served us . . . I realized that almost all the ideas I hold now, that make me unashamed of anything I may have felt or done as a Nazi, came not from Hitler, not from Goebbels, not from Himmler – but from you . . . You alone kept me from concluding that Germany had gone insane.” That’s quite an indictment. And it is one of the passages that makes this book brilliant. Throughout the novel, it is clear that Campbell’s vicious propaganda assisted the Nazis in their brutality. It is not clear at all how he helped the Allies. Given the severe consequences of all his lies, does being an American spy save him from condemnation?

Mother Night is obsessed with lies and their consequences. And though it was written more than 60 years ago, it is as relevant now as ever. Chew on this if you doubt me: “I had hoped, as a broadcaster, to be merely ludicrous, but this is a hard world to be ludicrous in, with so many human beings so reluctant to laugh, so incapable of thought, so eager to believe and snarl and hate.”

Gladiola Overdrive, Chief Editor