Firm and Round and, Dare I Say, Juicy

Brisk day. Winter is certainly coming to Roanoke. I zip up my coat as I accelerate my pace down Church Street. But it’s not too cold. I can still admire my profile as I pass the abandoned storefront’s window. Firm chin. Prominent nose. All good. New pants. Let’s see how they’re holding up. Nicely snug in the crotch. What the ffffffffffff …?

Where the hell is my ass? I used to have one. I remember it fondly. Many women, and even more men, commented on it favorably. It was firm and round and, dare I say, juicy. But where is it now?

As president of Pungent Sound Community Bank, I’m a man accustomed to acquiring things. Ties, shoes, automobiles, boats, homes, sexual partners, penicillin. The list goes on and on. But is this what I can expect as I approach my winter years? A gradual loss? Incremental divestments and shedding? Have I wasted my life on meaningless acquisitions that I will inevitably lose?

At least my mane remains full and majestic. I’m a Blue Ridge Mountain Lion. Let’s take a quick look. What the . . . what’s happening to my hairline? When did that start? Motherfffffff …….

Titmouse Beak, President of Pungent Sound Community Bank

14 Comments

  1. Liz H-H's avatar Liz H-H says:

    😉😄 That’s why I work on developing a great personality!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. luvgoodcarp's avatar luvgoodcarp says:

      Haha. That would be a lot of work for me, and I’m quite lazy.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. gwengrant's avatar gwengrant says:

    Oh, dear! Sympathy all yours!

    Gwen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. luvgoodcarp's avatar luvgoodcarp says:

      Thanks, Gwen. I’ll keep looking for it. It may turn up.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. JMN's avatar JMN says:

    You’ve made me laugh it off! This makes my day. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. luvgoodcarp's avatar luvgoodcarp says:

      Thanks very much, JMN.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Very droll – just what I needed!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. luvgoodcarp's avatar luvgoodcarp says:

      Thanks very much.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Beak needs to know it only gets worse, very worse.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. luvgoodcarp's avatar luvgoodcarp says:

      Haha. He’s not going to like hearing that.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. JosieHolford's avatar JosieHolford says:

    Could i suggest developing a sense of humor? Or do you think it’s too late for that?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. luvgoodcarp's avatar luvgoodcarp says:

      Haha. Yes, sadly, it is far too late for that.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. JosieHolford's avatar JosieHolford says:

        That is very sad.

        As you well know I have not been backwards in offering a refreshed direction that could re-arouse that basic human attribute. But I surmise that you may have been too dispirited to even consider such a freely offered tonic.

        Meanwhile – I am sure I am joined by many others in wishing you well. And – may we dare to hope- a speedy recovery?

        Liked by 1 person

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