Tag Archives: Government

An Interview With a Movie Star – You’re Welcome

Tengo Leche: So in your new movie, you play an agent assigned to infiltrate a white supremacist group. How hard was that role for you?

Movie Star: It was extremely challenging. I had to pretend that people pretending to be white supremacists would pretend to torture and kill me if they found out I was pretending to be an undercover government agent. It was stressful.

Tengo Leche: God, you’re handsome.

Movie Star: Yes, I am.

Tengo Leche: Was it difficult to get into character?

Movie Star: Yes, very. I had to memorize lots of lines, and it wasn’t natural for me to act as if I was living on a government salary. That took some imagination.

Tengo Leche: God, you’re so brave.

Movie Star: Yes, I am.

Tengo Leche: Do you prevail over the bad guys in the end?

Movie Star: Well, I don’t want to spoil anything, but let’s just say I do manage to keep the world safe for all people, not just the white supremacists.

Tengo Leche: Thank you for your service.

Movie Star: You’re welcome.

Tengo Leche, Celebrity News Editor

The Federal Voyeur Hotline

We created the Federal Voyeur Hotline
because sometimes people can't decide
if what they're watching is a crime,
so we say you shouldn't try
because you can never be wrong
if you let us decide what's right -
especially when so many matchsticks
are begging for a reason to strike.
So it's better if we watch too,
and if you don't call us
then we'll watch you.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief