Thanks for Nothing

Vladimir Nabokov is the master of the paranoid, deranged, unreliable (take your pick or choose all three) narrator. If Lolita didn’t convince you, Pale Fire will. It’s a comedic feat and a delicious confection, but mostly it’s indelible.

Charles Kinbote is our narrator with the questionable judgment and perhaps unsound mind. Some describe him as insane, a remarkably disagreeable person, or a monstrous parasite of a genius. He describes himself as John Shade’s closest friend and most trusted advisor, even if they’ve only known each other for a few months and no one ever thought of them as friends. Their friendship “was the more precious for its tenderness being intentionally concealed.”

Shade is one of the great poets of his generation. He has almost finished his magnum opus when he dies. Kinbote takes possession of the unfinished poem and decides to edit it and provide helpful commentary and notes. Since the poem was Kinbote’s idea, he’s the most qualified person to finish it. Plus, it’s about Kinbote and Zembla, his home country. So who better? The English department at Shade’s university believes the poem has nothing to do with Kinbote or Zembla, a distant northern land no one has heard of. They think the poem is auto biographical and deals with the death of Shade’s daughter, the “waxwing slain.” These professors have written a letter in which they argue the poem has fallen into the “hands of a person who not only is unqualified for the job of editing it . . . but is known to have a deranged mind.” So who’s right?

Pale Fire is a delightfully strange novel. It consists of three sections: Kinbote’s foreword; the poem itself, also named Pale Fire; and Kinbote’s Commentary and Index. And let’s not forget that the story pointedly opens with a quote from James Boswell’s The Life of Samuel Johnson and ends with a murder. So who’s story is being told in Pale Fire? If there is a biographer, who is it? Is Shade a wavelet of fire compared to Kinbote’s bonfire? Or is Kinbote a pale phosphorescent hint trying to shine near Shade? What’s real here? Whether you’re able to answer those questions or not, Pale Fire is a remarkable journey with many laughs along the way.

Thanks for nothing, Gladiola. Aren’t you supposed to answer questions and not ask them? And why should I read about an unreliable guy with a shaky grasp of reality? Is this even literature? Because I only read literature. I’d better let Nabokov take over from here. “Reality is neither the subject nor the object of true art which creates its own special reality having nothing to do with the average reality perceived by the communal eye.” I hope that helps.

Gladiola Overdrive, Chief Editor

A Tiny Voice

Yes, of course,
we, too, care about
a neglected rose struggling to survive
among the scattered bricks
of a crumbling house,
but we've already done
all we can.

Remember
a child has a tiny voice
and no money -
hardly the sturdy platform
on which to make demands.
Yet here she stands
with her small voice,
empty pockets, and 
accusing eyes,
while we continue to tell her
to trust the spider
who swears
he wouldn't hurt a fly.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief 

Precious Little Useless Things

What do we call the innocent?
Those precious little useless things
we honor with large words
and then largely ignore.

As we do ethics.  Or courtesy.

Better yet -
those prophets of doom 
with science degrees.
What do we call them?

Oh, yes, we call them fools.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

The Thin Resentment

There was his strength that now is gone.
There is his memory of strength that cruelly consumes
and there is our failure to find any solace.

There is my feeble suspicion that somehow
he allowed this to happen
and my thin resentment that this will be my inheritance.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

For the Record

Scientists on Earth
believe oxygen on Mars
is behaving strangely.

But how would they know?
They have never visited
that remote red rock.

And who made them judges
of what is normal and what is strange?
When they know nothing of normal
and they, themselves, are so strange.

Have they considered instead
that maybe oxygen behaves
normally on Mars and 
strangely on Earth?

Or maybe oxygen
can behave no other way
because Mars is nasty
and treats oxygen like
a noxious gas.

The HR department believes
I’m behaving strangely.

But how would they know?
They have never endured
the daily indignities
I am subjected to.

Have they considered instead
that maybe I’m behaving normally -
given the circumstances?
Maybe they wouldn’t judge
if you had been nasty to them;
treated them like a noxious gas;
left them to live life
like cockroaches in the dark
wondering what will happen
when the light turns on.

So for the record,
if there ever is one,
this is not my fault.

If you had only returned
my calls, texts, emails,  
or come to the door
when I pounded on it,
your basement window
wouldn’t be broken.

I wouldn’t be bleeding
in your airless closet.  

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

The Campaign

A straw man riding a sacred cow
pulling a tethered scapegoat 
arrived in a town named Trope
just when they were needed most.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

On Reading Dylan Thomas Ad Infinitum and Reciting His Poem Ad Nauseam

When I was 22 (mere metaphorical minutes ago)
I thought Dylan Thomas was a social scientist
and I read his poem as a political manifesto.
I embraced it like Baptists do the Bible
and, like them, committed it to memory -
sharing my scholarship with, well, everyone -
never realizing that memorizing a poem
impressed no one but myself.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

Laughing Hyena

I joined a writing group and made enemies.
They were looking for an emotional support animal
but I was a laughing hyena who found
all their tender elegies hysterical.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

The Power of Prayer

Sheer frustration and desperation
drove me to my knees, naked before the Lord -
certain I heard snickering somewhere.

But I persisted and prayed
for you to turn up on time,
not make simple mistakes,
or embarrass me before clients.

And you, who glued bumper stickers 
to your Prius proclaiming 
miracles happen every day -
you have made me an atheist
through the power of prayer.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief