A Dreadful State of Affairs

Earlier this week FLACCID (Firearms Loving Americans Constantly Confronting Innovation and Decency) held its second annual convention at Pungent Sound Technical College of Technology. It was glorious to see so many FLACCID members on campus.

Just like last year, they asked me to open the convention with a prayer. Not trying to brag, but I’m pretty sure I nailed it with a nine inch nail. Here it is.

A Dreadful State of Affairs

Your school riddled with bullets and several friends too?
What a dreadful state of affairs!
Our thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Father Orifice (pronounced Orifeechee), Chaplain of Pungent Sound Technical College of Technology 

A Prayer for Less Love

   I've heard what you say in the name of love
   and your favorite word is no.

   I've seen what you do in the name of love
   because the purple bruises still show.

   You say you're a man of love
   but that sounds dangerous to me,

   so bring me no more love
   and show me simple courtesy.

   Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief 

   First published in Ariel Chart