Tag Archives: Virtue Signaling

Kissing Cousins

Despite what Prius driving, pious posing
virtue vigilantes may tell you
heritage and hate are not kissing cousins.

They do not share a liver 
like those conjoined twins -
unfair housing and workplace discrimination.

The truth is heritage detests hate
just as wasps despise Jews.

Heritage and hate are shackles
on entirely different whipping posts.

They are lynching trees located 
in separate parts of the park.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

Avoiding Death Through Boredom

I would like to commend the long list of celebrities who have decided to renounce their U.S. citizenship and move to another country because they disagree with recent political developments. They are right to be concerned, but that is not why I want to commend them. They should be commended because none of them actually do it. They get all the benefits of appearing virtuous without any of the burdens. It’s brilliant.

I, too, am rich and famous. It’s awesome. I recommend it to everyone. The United States, quite simply, is the best country in the world – if you are rich and famous.

Being rich and famous allows me the time and luxury of being outraged on behalf of other people – particularly those poor things who have no time or luxury. It allows me to exercise the greatest privilege of all: virtue signaling without any accountability.

So I, too, hereby join the long list of celebrities who say they are renouncing their U.S. citizenship and moving to a more virtuous country. And just like them, I will stay put (in my Greenwich mansion overlooking Long Island Sound where I can do anything I want because I am rich and famous). After all, I’m not stupid. Just try finding a virtuous country that isn’t deadly boring.

Knowgood Carp, Owner of all the Hotels on Block Island (and Some in Connecticut).