As an editor of perhaps the second best literary journal you have never heard of, I would like to say: we love words. That’s probably pretty obvious. So let me go one step further. There’s only one thing we love more than words, and that’s banning words.
So we whole-heartedly support the proposed “Don’t Say Gay” legislation in Florida – because the best way to deal with sensitive or complex issues is to ignore them. Even better – take away the words necessary to discuss the matter. That allows the most hyper-sensitive people among us to dictate what we can talk about. And everyone feels better.
Words that begin with G seem to be particularly problematic. Therefore, I would like to propose some other G words that should be banned.
Glad – because it is frequently seen associating with Gay. They don’t mean the same thing necessarily, but they do hold hands often and sometimes kiss. And no one wants to see that.
Gazpacho – because soup should never be served cold. Plus, it is too easily confused with Gestapo, and nothing should interfere with the constant use of Gestapo – particularly when used to describe the tactics of anyone who disagrees with you politically.
Groovy – you may quibble with the other suggestions above. But, come on, everyone can agree Groovy should be banned. That word is an abomination.
Gladiola Overdrive, Chief Editor
Pungent Sound Journal of Pulp Poetry 