Looking good, McSmugly, looking good!
That's what I hear whenever I see
my marbled face staring back at me.
Not that I seek my reflection out -
it's just that in my office
I have so many mirrors about.
And who might McSmugly be?
Is that what you're asking?
How have you not heard of me?
I am the Creator
of a law firm: Swift in Justice LLC.
Visit my website for a wonderful profile of me.
Win a pass for the free parking lot,
and read my motto:
The Truth Is Negotiable - My Fees Are Not.
I do personal injuries
but I specialize in misdemeanors and felonies.
Are you sure you haven't heard of me?
I have storefronts in two states.
Hell, I drive a gold Lexus with vanity plates.
They say NTGILTY, which is what my clients tell the jury
then I take over and earn my fee,
because alibis don't sound like lies
when they're spoken by me.
I have never lost a case
though my clients have lost quite a few.
But I have no time to rue their fate -
not when I'm Prometheus chained to an hourly rate.
That's how I live NTGILTY too.
When you charge by the hour, how much you make
depends on how long you stay awake,
and your ability to bill during a bathroom break.
So I never have time to reflect
and the only thing I ever regret
is all those fees I fail to collect.
Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief