Author Archives: luvgoodcarp

Important Books

It was frigid last weekend so I did my favorite thing. After that, I plugged in the space heater and cracked open an important book. I only read important books.

But, Saffron, how do you know which books are important and which aren’t?

It’s easy. The publishing companies tell you upfront, right on the cover. Usually it’s a quote from the author, or someone else you’ve never heard of, proclaiming THIS IS AN IMPORTANT BOOK!!! There’s a ton of important books published every year, so it never takes long to find one. At first this surprised me. I used to think an important book would be hard to write. Obviously not. People do it all the time.

But, Saffron, should I let someone else tell me a book is important? That’s so subjective. Shouldn’t I decide whether I think a book is important after I’ve read it?

No.

Saffron Crow, Important Books Reader

Never Ending

Stories about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table are legion, but they usually end before or at Arthur’s death. After all, what’s left to say about Arthur and his knights after the legendary king dies? Nothing. The story is over.

Then again, Arthur is the once and future king, so perhaps stories about Britain after his death are as pertinent to the Arthurian myth as the ones during his life. Maybe stories don’t end just because certain characters, even main ones, die. Perhaps the stories continue, but with new characters and different adventures. Just maybe the stories go on forever. Lev Grossman thinks that might be the case, and he makes a compelling argument in The Bright Sword, his thoroughly enjoyable addition to the Arthurian myth.

The story opens with a knight, Collum, traveling to Camelot to join King Arthur and the Round Table. Collum is a poor orphan, and he’s wearing stolen armor. His chances of acceptance into this elite fighting group appear slim, but his timing is perfect. Many of Arthur’s bravest knights never returned from the quest for the Holy Grail. And then there’s Mordred, King Arthur’s bastard son. Just days ago, Arthur and Mordred killed each other in a battle that claimed most of the remaining Round Table.

Britain is now a dark and divided land. While Arthur brought unification, order, and peace, he was the “last light in the darkness.” Old Britain is asserting itself. The fairies never went away, but they’ve become bold again. Christianity is in retreat, and threats from foreign lands are everywhere. The remaining knights are ragtag so they can’t be choosey. Collum is in.

He isn’t without talents. At seventeen, Collum is incredibly strong and quick. He’s the greatest fighter his island, Mull, has ever seen, but Mull is tiny and remote. Regardless, he’ll be handy on a quest. And what do you know? These undistinguished knights suddenly have one. They must find the rightful heir to the throne. Arthur was tall, but this task is taller.

As they travel across Britain and Fairyland, the knights encounter all the major characters from the Arthurian legends, but Guinevere, Merlin, Lancelot, and Morgan le Fay aren’t the romanticized characters you might remember. They help make this addition to the canon all the more appealing.

Like all quests, this one is full of enchantment and danger. A successor is found, but the cost is great and much is uncertain. But that’s a quest for you. “Stories never really [end], they just [roll] one into the next. The past [is] never wholly lost, and the future [is] never quite found.” Quests, like stories, never really end. They’re never quite resolved.

That’s good news, my friends, because your grail is still out there, and you’ll never attain it. But like Collum, you can have wonderful adventures as you try. Quest on and quest well.

Gladiola Overdrive, Chief Editor

An Interview With a Movie Star – You’re Welcome

Tengo Leche: So in your new movie, you play an agent assigned to infiltrate a white supremacist group. How hard was that role for you?

Movie Star: It was extremely challenging. I had to pretend that people pretending to be white supremacists would pretend to torture and kill me if they found out I was pretending to be an undercover government agent. It was stressful.

Tengo Leche: God, you’re handsome.

Movie Star: Yes, I am.

Tengo Leche: Was it difficult to get into character?

Movie Star: Yes, very. I had to memorize lots of lines, and it wasn’t natural for me to act as if I was living on a government salary. That took some imagination.

Tengo Leche: God, you’re so brave.

Movie Star: Yes, I am.

Tengo Leche: Do you prevail over the bad guys in the end?

Movie Star: Well, I don’t want to spoil anything, but let’s just say I do manage to keep the world safe for all people, not just the white supremacists.

Tengo Leche: Thank you for your service.

Movie Star: You’re welcome.

Tengo Leche, Celebrity News Editor

Firm and Round and, Dare I Say, Juicy

Brisk day. Winter is certainly coming to Roanoke. I zip up my coat as I accelerate my pace down Church Street. But it’s not too cold. I can still admire my profile as I pass the abandoned storefront’s window. Firm chin. Prominent nose. All good. New pants. Let’s see how they’re holding up. Nicely snug in the crotch. What the ffffffffffff …?

Where the hell is my ass? I used to have one. I remember it fondly. Many women, and even more men, commented on it favorably. It was firm and round and, dare I say, juicy. But where is it now?

As president of Pungent Sound Community Bank, I’m a man accustomed to acquiring things. Ties, shoes, automobiles, boats, homes, sexual partners, penicillin. The list goes on and on. But is this what I can expect as I approach my winter years? A gradual loss? Incremental divestments and shedding? Have I wasted my life on meaningless acquisitions that I will inevitably lose?

At least my mane remains full and majestic. I’m a Blue Ridge Mountain Lion. Let’s take a quick look. What the . . . what’s happening to my hairline? When did that start? Motherfffffff …….

Titmouse Beak, President of Pungent Sound Community Bank

The Past is Epic

Don Winslow’s City of Dreams is the second installment in the Danny Ryan trilogy. As with City on Fire, the first installment, Winslow continues to be inspired by Homer and Virgil, as he sprinkles quotes from the Iliad and the Aeneid throughout. For example, City of Dreams opens with this from the Aeneid: “Of wars and a man I sing, An exile, driven on by fate.” Referencing these ancient epics might be a gimmick, but it works because the quote describes Danny Ryan as much as it does Aeneas, though I would argue the series, so far, has more in common with the Odyssey. Let me know when I start sounding pompous. Oh, wow, that was fast.

The story opens with a potential bang. It’s 1991 and Danny Ryan is in the California desert. He’s on his knees and someone is holding a gun to his head. So suck it, Homer, that’s how you start an epic. Virgil, meanwhile, is wondering how we got here. Fortunately, there’s a flashback to provide that answer.

Danny and his small crew of Irish mobsters are fleeing Providence, Rhode Island, after losing a gang war to the Italians. His wife has just died of cancer, so his infant son comes with him. His elderly, alcoholic father is along for the ride too. They make it to San Diego doing off-the-books jobs. Life is tough, but at least he’s still alive. Soon a shadowy government figure gives him an opportunity to make some real money – the kind that could provide him a new life. It sounds too good to be true. No one ever gets a new life, right? “You might get a fresh start, a second chance, but your old life stays with you.” Danny should say no but he says yes. And so the story goes until Danny lands in the desert giving the side eye to that pistol.

The futility of trying to escape your past is the major theme here, and many of the characters, at least the ones who didn’t die in City on Fire, return. To the reader’s delight, that includes Danny’s mother. She’s a modern-day goddess who knows the secrets of many powerful people.

Lots of things happen, and lots of poor decisions are made as Danny travels to the desert. His brief foray in the movie business is chief among those poor decisions. To Danny’s great surprise, Hollywood is making a movie of the gang war he barely survived. Anyone who’s seen a Martin Scorsese movie knows Hollywood “gets off” on the “exploits of real-life gangsters.” There’s much humor here, but for Danny there’s also unneeded publicity. More poor decisions are made.

Hollywood is all about reinventing yourself, and Danny tries but he’s no movie star. He runs all the way to the city of dreams to get away from his past, “But nothing is more persistent, more patient, than the past. After all, the past has nothing but time.” City of Dreams is a great read and a welcome installment in the Danny Ryan trilogy. It does exactly what it’s supposed to do; it leaves the reader wanting a third installment.

Gladiola Overdrive, Chief Editor

A Tiny Voice

Yes, of course,
we, too, care about
a neglected rose struggling to survive
among the scattered bricks
of a crumbling house,
but we’ve already done
all we can.
Remember  
a child has a tiny voice
and no money –
hardly the sturdy platform
on which to make demands.
Yet here she stands
with her small voice,
empty pockets, and
accusing eyes,
while we continue to tell her
to trust the spider
who swears
he wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Luvgood Carp, Editor in Chief

Myths of Self-Reliance – My Favorite Myths

In Liz Moore’s The God of the Woods, Barbara Van Laar, a thirteen-year old at summer camp in the lush Adirondacks, has gone missing. The most important rule at this remote camp is “When lost sit down and yell.” Barbara hasn’t done that, which is strange because her wealthy family owns the camp. She’s aware of the rule. Her family also owns the mansion overlooking the beautiful mountain lake next to the campgrounds. Barbara knows the area. She’s not lost.

This is also strange. Barbara’s brother, nicknamed Bear, went missing in the same area fourteen years earlier in the summer of 1961. He was only eight years old, and he was never found. Stranger still, Jacob Sluiter, whose ancestors previously owned the ancient woods surrounding the mansion and campgrounds, escaped from prison a few weeks before Barbara disappeared. He’s a notorious killer, convicted of murdering eleven people between 1960 and 1964. He was blamed for Bear’s disappearance. That’s a coincidence, I’m sure, because there are rumors that Barbara has a much older secret boyfriend, and she may have run off with him.

All of this means there’s some urgency to the search for her, and the state troopers are brought in to lead it. Judyta is a young woman in her mid-twenties, and she has just been promoted to investigator. She doesn’t have much experience looking for missing children, but she does know how to work within patriarchal systems. Since this is 1975, those skills serve her well, as the patriarchy is everywhere.

There’s much to like about this book. Moore does a nice job jumping between the timelines relating to each child’s disappearance. She’s devised an interesting plot with two engrossing mysteries. The exploration of female empowerment working within a suffocating patriarchy is effective and authentic. Moore isn’t afraid of irony or poking fun at patriarchal and capitalist mythology. The Van Laar’s Adirondack mansion is named Self-Reliance, but it was built by the local townsfolk, and time and again the Van Laars must rely on the locals for help.

While the book is an enjoyable read, it falls short of being great. Judyta is a distant, less compelling, cousin of The Silence of the Lambs‘ Clarice Starling. At times the prose is silly and clunky. “When one’s parents and grandparents have already quested and conquered, what is there for subsequent generations to do?” But the real problem is the ending. The mysteries are solved, but only one resolution is satisfactory. The other one is ludicrous. Throughout the story, Moore correctly shows how self-reliance is a hypocritical myth perpetuated by the patriarchy. However, she then takes self-reliance to absurd lengths to mythologize female empowerment.

Gladiola Overdrive, Chief Editor

Grease-Dipped Benjamins

Being an important, wealthy, and virile businessman, I frequently find myself in Washington, DC. I bring my banker, Titmouse Beak, and my lawyer, Treacherous Gulp, because I need to accomplish a lot in a short period of time. I also bring suitcases full of grease-dipped Benjamins. You can’t open doors on Capitol Hill without those. I’m joking, of course. No one uses cash anymore; all those transactions are done electronically, but you get my point.

Tuesday morning we were walking by Union Station towards the Capitol. You could smell fried legislative sausage everywhere. Treacherous, Tit, and I are prosperous middle-aged men, so we love watching people fight. We’ll pay fat stacks to see professionals brutalize each other and then bet larger sums on who will limp away and who will go to the hospital. It’s wildly entertaining, and as luck would have it an amateur fight broke out in front of us.

Two men of indeterminate age started screaming at each other. One man was short and worn out. All his worldly possessions were on a blanket next to him. It was a small pile. Another man, tall and emaciated with all his possessions on his back, appeared to have stepped on the blanket. It was difficult to assess if this was an intentional provocation or accidental. Both men were jittery and having trouble standing upright. Nonetheless, the fight was on, and we started placing our bets.

The tall skinny guy should have had an advantage, but he couldn’t throw a punch. He tried slapping the short guy but lost his balance and tumbled to the ground. The short guy went to kick him, but he too lost his balance and collapsed on his tiny pile of possessions. These fighters had no physical stamina, and neither tried to get back up. Needless to say, the fight was disappointing and hilarious, but it reminded me of how, in Washington, DC, you get what you pay for.

Knowgood Carp, Owner of all the Hotels on Block Island and Some in Connecticut

The Epic of Dogtown

Don Winslow’s City on Fire has quotes from The Aeneid and The Iliad throughout. Those epics are about the siege of Troy, the original city on fire, so the quotes are apt. Winslow’s story is an epic as well, but his Troy is Providence, Rhode Island, the land of “I know a guy.” That’s an unexpected setting for an epic, but it works. Just substitute the ancient Greeks and Trojans for Italian and Irish mobsters in the 1980s. The Irish control the docks. The Italians control the trucks and almost everything else. The merchandise that falls off the boats and trucks supports both gangs and their respective rust belt neighborhoods. Each respects the other’s territory, meaning the Italians rarely venture into Dogtown, the name of the Irish section where slaughterhouses once attracted feral dogs.

A beautiful woman emerges from the sea on a hot summer day. Here’s our Helen, except her name is Pam, because it’s Providence. Danny Ryan knows immediately that she’s going to be trouble. “Women that beautiful usually are.” Just ask the Greeks and Trojans. Danny is in his late 20s, and his father-in-law runs the Irish gang. Danny is “faithful like a dog,” so he isn’t going to be the Paris in this story. That role is reserved for his brother-in-law, who steals Pam away from a high-ranking Italian mobster. Jokes are made at this mobster’s expense, and when “people start to disrespect you in one area of your life, it leaks into others.” The initial weapons are bats, but soon bullets fly and bodies fall. Danny moves up the chain of command. He’s never been tested like this before, and it’s going to take everything he has to get himself and his family out alive.

Mob stories make for great epics. They have all the requisites built in: violence, greed, lust, family, and loyalty. There’s just one problem. Our popular culture is rife with these stories, so it takes a talented writer to craft a captivating one that’s fresh. Fortunately, Winslow is such a writer.

Gladiola Overdrive, Chief Editor.