Tag Archives: Luvgood Carp

The Summer Adam Sandler Filmed “That’s My Boy” on Cape Cod

Jim!  Jiiimmm!  Is that Adam Sandlah?

Yes, yelled the bald Eagle Scout,
who in my youth told me once not to lie.

A pugnacious copper-toned Shar-pei pushing a walker
inchwormed as fast as she could to her dock on the bay.

Is that really Adam Sandlah?

Yes, the bronze-beaked Eagle replied
without ruffling a single feather.
Adam, what's wrong with you?
Wave to Mrs. Boucher.
Make an old woman feel special - 
though I questioned who wanted to feel special.

Preening is not a sin on Cape Cod,
not in the summertime, 
so I waved and wondered.

How could anyone believe Adam Sandler would be
on my dad's treacherous Boston Whaler - 
a boat famous for its mysterious brown stains,
mildewed cushions, and inattentive outboard?

Adam . . . Adam . . . Adam,
come over to my house for dinner.
I'll make a brisket.

Being a New Englander himself,
Adam knew how to crack the lobster-shelled heart
of every crab-faced Masshole in each sandbar town.
He tipped 100% for everything.

And Cape Cod rewarded him the only way it knew -
with tilting towers of maple walnut ice cream teetering on tiny cones
and overflowing cardboard cups of tepid chowder infiltrated by 
chunky potatoes and chewy clams.

Osterville's elders, a large, comfortable and opinionated lot,
adored him more than their own sons because they heard he was polite - 
that he loved and respected his mother.

All the sunburnt seniors had stories of how Adam had sought them out;
how he had gone away enlightened and grateful.

Dropping the name of someone you've never met
is a victimless crime on Cape Cod in the summertime -
similar to prominently placing a movie star's name
in the title of your poem in the orphaned
hope that now someone may read it.

By the way, Adam,
the brisket was delicious.
You would have loved it.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

The Campaign

A straw man riding a sacred cow
pulling a tethered scapegoat 
arrived in a town named Trope
just when they were needed most.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

Dry Cleaned

It's a coffee-spilling day
despite my desperate need
for every drop that drips
on my formerly pristine 
dry-cleaned white shirt.

The sun hasn't risen yet.
The bundled-up homeless are still asleep
under the bridge as I drive by.

It's a middle-management day -
where dire budgets are discussed
behind softly closed doors
and layoffs loom.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

On Reading Dylan Thomas Ad Infinitum and Reciting His Poem Ad Nauseam

When I was 22 (mere metaphorical minutes ago)
I thought Dylan Thomas was a social scientist
and I read his poem as a political manifesto.
I embraced it like Baptists do the Bible
and, like them, committed it to memory -
sharing my scholarship with, well, everyone -
never realizing that memorizing a poem
impressed no one but myself.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

Laughing Hyena

I joined a writing group and made enemies.
They were looking for an emotional support animal
but I was a laughing hyena who found
all their tender elegies hysterical.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

Kissing Cousins

Despite what Prius driving, pious posing
virtue vigilantes may tell you
heritage and hate are not kissing cousins.

They do not share a liver 
like those conjoined twins -
unfair housing and workplace discrimination.

The truth is heritage detests hate
just as wasps despise Jews.

Heritage and hate are shackles
on entirely different whipping posts.

They are lynching trees located 
in separate parts of the park.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

Jelly in a Jar

Look at old Alabaster 
in all his power and glory
grasping his silver spoon 
in a palsied grip.

He knows the spoon holds power
and power is jelly in a jar.
If someone somehow gets a spoonful
it must have been taken from him

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

The Power of Prayer

Sheer frustration and desperation
drove me to my knees, naked before the Lord -
certain I heard snickering somewhere.

But I persisted and prayed
for you to turn up on time,
not make simple mistakes,
or embarrass me before clients.

And you, who glued bumper stickers 
to your Prius proclaiming 
miracles happen every day -
you have made me an atheist
through the power of prayer.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief

The Great White Heron in a Floppy Hat

My father, long retired and recently afraid
of becoming irrelevant, has become a pest.

A master gardener, himself, he has volunteered
to teach the Wampanoag children of Cape Cod
how to grow vegetables the way 80 year old white men do -
by stabbing cold metal hand shovels into the sandy soil
and throwing dry seeds in the gaping wounds.

The Wampanoag women of Cape Cod
prefer their traditional methods.
The warm heels of their feet create the needed homes
for the pregnant seeds.

Dad visits their community garden
unannounced, uninvited, and unaware
he may be perceived as a great white heron in a floppy hat
attempting to poach fish from their pond.

The tortured history here would recommend
a gentler approach, but he is forever
surprised by the frosty welcome.
He suspects they want his money more than his help.

His plans for Thanksgiving, my sister and I think,
are bound to make matters worse.

Luvgood Carp, Editor-in-Chief