Tag Archives: Ukraine

Didn’t See That One Coming

We, here, at Pungent Sound Journal of Pulp Poetry would like to commend the International Press Corps for its incisive undercover reporting on a major international scandal. We, also, freely admit that we dropped the ball. We were duped. It embarrasses us to say so, but the truth is the truth, and the truth is the press’ currency of the realm.

We didn’t see it coming, and we’re galled by the brazenness of the deception. Like all intelligent people of good will, we trusted the British monarchy. After all, it earned our trust after hundreds of years of selfless service and beneficial works. So we were stunned when every global news agency reported for 48 uninterrupted hours that the British royal family doctored a picture for the sole purpose of making themselves look good.

We were even more surprised that the most pampered and privileged people in the world – people who do nothing all day long and are lavishly rewarded for it – could suck so bad at photo editing. Presenting a false image of happiness and respectability has been their only job for 100 years or so.

So kudos to you International Press Corps. The people of Haiti, Gaza, Israel, and Ukraine thank you for keeping the world focused on the truly important stories impacting humanity.

Saffron Crow, Photo Doctoring Editor

Open Letter from Putin to Zelensky – Solution to World Hunger

Dear Smushed Slug on Heel of my Boot:

‘Sup, dog! So you know parts of world facing severe food shortages because your poorly-run territory can’t ship grain for some reason. I have brilliant solution! I loaded all your grain in my ships and am ready to sell to world. Important to do this now, because prices really high.

But, horror! You put mines in waterways I need to travel. We must cooperate to solve world hunger. So remove mines immediately!

Then I sell grain. But this “give and take” benefits you too. The money I make helps me help you crush all criminal resistance in Ukraine. It’s win-win.

Please respond now and include address where you sleep tonight.

Vlad the Great

Hootin’ for Putin

We are thrilled to announce Vladimir Putin has won the 2022 Orwell Peace Prize for eradicating war.  When he directed the Russian military to justifiably invade Ukraine because it didn’t want to be his friend with benefits, he could have easily called it a war.  It certainly looks like one.  But that would have been so cliché. 

Instead, he has called it a special operation and made the word “war” illegal to use.  That’s brilliant!  He has single-handedly outlawed war.  And the rest of us are left dumbfounded wondering why no one thought of this before.  Such dedication to the non-passive pursuit of peace leaves us hootin’ for Putin.

But there’s more. When you’re involved in a special operation, there are no war casualties.  How could there be?  So you don’t have to worry about math or keeping track of the dead, because soldiers only die in a war – as well as children, women, and men.  Special operations are bloodless.  Mr. Putin said so. 

Treacherous Gulp, Esquire – Judge, Orwell Peace Prize and Counsel for Pungent Sound Technical College of Technology